How to Help Children Grieving Suicide - Helping Teens Through Grief (ages 12 and Up)
How to Help
•Allow regressive behavior & offer comfort
•Expect & accept mood swings
•Encourage expression of feelings through writing, art, music, sports, etc.
•Support relationships with understanding adults
•Be available to listen and talk
•Answer questions truthfully
•Allow hidden feelings unless there is risk of harm
•Share your grief
•Watch for high risk behavior
•Find peer support groups
•Offer physical contact
•Allow choices about involvement in death & mourning
Comforting an Adolescent Survivor
Words That Help
•I’m sorry your mom/dad/sister died.
•What was your dad/mom/brother like?
•Tell me about your___.
•What was his favorite food?
•What do you miss the most?
•What is the hardest part for you?
•I cannot know how you feel, but I remember how I felt when my __________ died.
•I care about you.
•I care about how you are feeling.
•Is there anything I can do to help?
•Would you like to talk about it?
•I’m available at this time, if you would like to come by to talk.
•Whenever you want to talk about it, I’m here for you.
•What is the hardest time of day for you?
•I’m thinking about you especially today because I’m aware that today is your mother’s birthday (anniversary of the death, your birthday, etc).
•I’m here to listen if you want to talk, or just spend time together if you don’t want to talk.
•When is your recital (game, rehearsal, etc.)? Would it be okay if I stop by?
Words That Can Hurt
•Don’t cry.
•It’s your fault.
•You drove your father to drink.
•If only you had _____.
•Tears won’t bring her back.
•Be strong.
•Forget about it.
Carrie Stark Hugus, author of Crossing 13: Memoir of a Father's Suicide.